How to Get Your Wife to Have A Threesome?


This is a letter from a man:

Dear Dana:

My wife and I have been married for almost 15 years. We have a great relationship, but our sex life has been lackluster for the last couple years. We’ve been trying to spice things up. We’ve dabbled in role playing, (light) bondage, and watching porn together, but we’re both left wanting more.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who had a threesome. I can’t get the thought out of my head. I want to talk to my wife about inviting a third person into our bedroom, but I’m worried she might take it the wrong way. She’s open to trying new things, but is this too risky? What if she says no and is left feeling like she’s not enough for me? And if she says yes, how do we go about making it happen?

Sincerely,
Three’s Company

I'm sure you are not here for seeing a didactic, so we're just talking about methods.

Of course, you can come here and 'enjoy' the didactic. (Frankly, I think it's useful.).

get-your-wife-for-threesome

How to Get Your Wife to Have A Threesome?

Easy: You offer her a threesome scenario that turns her on.

If no threesome scenario turns her on, then you are asking her to do something sexual for your benefit — a favor, in other words.

Sexual generosity is a virtue. It's kind to incorporate some sexy stuff that you don't especially like but your partner adores. There is, however, a world of difference between, “Honey, please wear this nurse costume once in a while,” and, “Honey, please have sex with another person while I also have sex with them.”

Because that's exactly what you're asking. You are asking your wife to have sex with someone other than you. I guess we could argue about whether or not participating in a threesome necessarily entails having sex with both of the other participants. If your wife and the third person both lavished attention on you, without kissing or touching each other, that's not exactly like having sex with each other. But it's still participating in a sexual scenario with each other. That's kind of a big deal.

Real talk, though, you're probably fantasizing about your wife actually getting it on with the guest. That requires attraction. So is she attracted to anyone other than you? Probably. Is there someone she's attracted to who you are also attracted to? If you're both straight, the answer is probably no! When a man asks his straight wife to have sex with a woman, he's asking her to have sex with someone she is not sexually attracted to. Why would that be fun for her, exactly? (Note that even if one or both of you is bisexual, there may not be a person both of you are attracted to. Sometimes people's tastes don't overlap.)

You're also asking her to consent to you having sex with someone else, right in front of her. If she really likes monogamy, that might make her unhappy. It's kind of a big deal. Some monogamous people are willing to make an exception for threesomes, and some are not.

With all this in mind, the way you get from wanting a threesome to having a threesome is asking your wife what she thinks of having a threesome.

If she says she loves the idea, you're off to the races. Then learn how to find a girlfriend for a couple.

If she says she hates the idea, try to learn more about her concerns. Is it just that she isn't interested in having sex with anyone else? Or does the idea intrigue her, but she's worried about some aspects of the experience?

If she's intrigued but concerned, try to address the concerns. Empathize with them, and try to problem-solve as a team.

The ultimate answer may be no. Then you drop it. You asked, she answered, you move on. You don't strategize and devise tactics to change her mind. That's a great way to destroy the trust between you and put a stop to any twosomes you may currently be enjoying.